December 19th, 2002

smokin'

Nothing day

I'm having one of those days where everything bothers me. One of those days where everything is a hassle. One of those days where you're going two spaces back instead of a forward.

I planned to gain some yardage on a script today. It's all plotted, a lot of the dialogue is set, I'm just working on the pacing and cutting gags and business that doesn't fit or doesn't work that well (and praying, uselessly, for the return of the 24 page mainstream comic story. I always seem to need those 2 pages to get all my material in). I'm having a lot of trouble again with my writing, trouble with second-guessing material and micro-managing scripts and worrying about everything. So I've been fairly pleased with the fact that I've been getting a lot of work done on this gig, and it's been going a bit smoother than the last comic I wrote. Which means, it's been worrisome rather than nightmarish. The last thing I felt confident about, script-wise, was a few sections of Dork #10. Unfortunately, I stiffened up on whatever I've written since then, and it's making me nuts. I'm overbooked, and that's stressing me out even more, knowing that if I don't produce I don't clear the way for other commitments, I don't clear the way to try to get my own comics done, and I don't get paid. So I don't sleep well, which means I get up feeling like crap, hich affects my ability to get work done.

And forget the stress all the advertisements for the War in Iraq 2003 tour is giving me (does anyone really think attacking Iraq is gonna make the world or America safer?). If we're going to live in a world where Bush and Cheney are publicly threatening to use nukes (and no one flips out!) and countries are ramping up weapons of mass destruction and we're stumping for a pre-ordained and dubious war in the middle east -- can't we at least have some good, angry, crazy music to go with it? We're getting all the terror of the 80's without anything that was fun. C'mon, where's all the crazy "we're all gonna die" punk and new wave music? Music to pogo and creepy-crawl and mosh and twirl to, songs about nuclear holocaust and Reagan being a nutjob and America being arrogant bullies and the Enola Gay and the draft and death! Doesn't anybody in a band notice that things are getting out of control in Iraq? In Pakistan and India? Israel and Palestine? North Korea? South America? Wherever that loose Russian nuke material's sitting around waiting to be sold or stolen? Anyway, if we're all gonna keep quiet and go see Maid in Manhattan and play Grand Theft Auto while all hell is potentially breaking loose all over the world economically and politically, can we at least get some doom and gloom rock music?!? These kids today, I guess they're just not scared of anything anymore, with their skateboarding and their Avril Levigne and the rap musoic and nintendo and everything. I'm jealous.

My, I'm downbeat these past few posts. I should read that Twink book again.

Anyway, instead of writing my stupid superhero script, I've spent most of the day cleaning up cat piss, doing errands, scaring Sarah with my driving, looking for the packing tape to tape packages shut, taping packages shut, signing holiday cards, buying holiday cards, watching my computer freeze, playing tag with an editor to get a file I need to make revisions on, making revisions on an old script, getting a cover idea sketch out to said editor, watching my computer crash...and posting this crap. So the script gets pushed back some more, and I get depressed some more. And I wrote this miserable post, and it wasn;t in the least bit cathartic.

At least I didn't make a lousy comic out of it.

Ugh. Maybe my blood sugar's low. I'm sure I'll feel better after we eat.

Good-bye.