Some of you long-term readers may recall my problems with flying in the past. It's still a problem, but I'm heading into this in better shape than expected. I'm anxious pretty much all day and night, and I'm taking something to help me get through it, but there's no panic or anything like that. So far! But with one day away I'm probably in the best shape I've been pre-flight in a long time. Especially since I haven't flown in a long time.
Back in the late 90s I stopped flying for a few years when I had what I guess emotional breakdown (as discussed in Dork #7 at some length). I started flying again to afew events, but haven't flown since 2001. That wasn't due to post-9/11 fears or anxiety (although that didn't help), it's mainly been due to our situation, schedule and a lack of opportunity. I haven't been invited as a guest to many shows since then, and the shows that have invited us have been close enough to home that it's been worth going by car to haul our books and stuff. We can't afford to do shows that we're not comped at, travel+hotel+table is beyond our means to recover at a show with anything left over, and we're in a situation where making something at a con is an important reason for us to be there in the first place. I had an offer to go to Brazil several years ago to promote Beasts of Burden -- I was keen to take them up on it (despite my stomach rumbling at the idea of flying, especially alone) but I had deadlines and it wasn't the kind of comic show where you set up and sell things. It would have been cool, but it would have cost us money we couldn't afford to lose. So, it was really welcome and cool of the folks at the Jet City Comic Show to invite Sarah and I over as guests.
Anyway, so, I'm nervous and there are moments of semi-panic. I used to love flying but something went off while I was melting down back in the 90s and it became a challenge and something I dreaded. I assume everything will be fine but my imagination kicks into overdrive, despite knowing my fears and worries and scenarios are irrational and all that. At the same time, though, I'm nervously excited about breaking the routine and going somewhere by plane and seeing friends and being with my family and hopefully meeting with readers. A new show is always exciting, going to a new region usually means a decent turnout at the table, for signings, if nothing else. I just hope I don't throw up later today and I can get some sleep and be positive and "calm" for my daughter's sake if not my own. It's her first flight and she's not sure what to expect. She knows I'm antsy soI don't want to make her jumpier. Maybe that's why I'm writing all this when I wasn't planning to. I just wanted to plug the event!
We fly out tomorrow. Back on Monday, with fun in-between. Then, back to work on some scripts.